Dual personality disorder?

The good news is that the sleeping miracle continues to amaze me each beautiful morning when I can watch the sun rise from my bed!  The bad news is that other traumas have been affecting my beauty sleep leaving me an even more weepy hormonal wreck than usual.  (Yes - amazingly that IS possible)  What can be so bad?  

Well the other night I hear a thud.  One of those ominous thuds followed by a "oh no" from the hubby.  That's never good right?

'She bumped her head pretty good.' he tells me.  I turn around just in time to see the blood gushing from her head.  It was a flipping fountain.  It was pumping out of her head.  I'm surprised she didn't need a transfusion.  Ok ok ok.  It may not have been quite as bad as that but it was pretty bad for the first time, super hormonal wreck of a mum that I am. 

This is where it got interesting.  I kind of split into 2 people.  On the outside I was super efficient mum - I knew exactly what to do.  No, really.  It's true.  I totally knew what to do and I did it without any fuss or bother.  Placed screaming blood gushing child on counter all the while calming her with my gentle voice.  Applied a cold compress to wound.  Told hubby that we were going to hospital and even remembered the nappy bag.  We were at the hospital 20 calm minutes later with a child who was laughing and giggling and flirting with all the people in the waiting room.  See how good I am at this?  I am super mum.  

The inside was a different story however.   That was where the totally panicked mum was:  "OMGosh!!!!!  I've broken my child.  She's damaged.  She's never going to survive this trauma.  I can't do this.  What the hec do I do now???  How come I can't breathe?  Who am I?  Oh no she's really broken!  Where is the hospital anyway???" (That last one is true - fortunately I have a super hubby who knew exactly where to go).

I learned that I actually am a bit of both.  I am a bit of super mum mixed with a bit of panicked mum.  That's a good thing too.  If I was just super mum I wouldn't be human.  The bit of panicked mum keeps me human and not too over confident which probably keeps my child safer in the long run!  So long live the panic that lives on the inside of me keeping me real and my babies safe.  I am grateful for my dual personality disorder!