Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Dual personality disorder?

The good news is that the sleeping miracle continues to amaze me each beautiful morning when I can watch the sun rise from my bed!  The bad news is that other traumas have been affecting my beauty sleep leaving me an even more weepy hormonal wreck than usual.  (Yes - amazingly that IS possible)  What can be so bad?  

Well the other night I hear a thud.  One of those ominous thuds followed by a "oh no" from the hubby.  That's never good right?
'She bumped her head pretty good.' he tells me.  I turn around just in time to see the blood gushing from her head.  It was a flipping fountain.  It was pumping out of her head.  I'm surprised she didn't need a transfusion.  Ok ok ok.  It may not have been quite as bad as that but it was pretty bad for the first time, super hormonal wreck of a mum that I am. 

This is where it got interesting.  I kind of split into 2 people.  On the outside I was super efficient mum - I knew exactly what to do.  No, really.  It's true.  I totally knew what to do and I did it without any fuss or bother.  Placed screaming blood gushing child on counter all the while calming her with my gentle voice.  Applied a cold compress to wound.  Told hubby that we were going to hospital and even remembered the nappy bag.  We were at the hospital 20 calm minutes later with a child who was laughing and giggling and flirting with all the people in the waiting room.  See how good I am at this?  I am super mum.  

The inside was a different story however.   That was where the totally panicked mum was:  "OMGosh!!!!!  I've broken my child.  She's damaged.  She's never going to survive this trauma.  I can't do this.  What the hec do I do now???  How come I can't breathe?  Who am I?  Oh no she's really broken!  Where is the hospital anyway???" (That last one is true - fortunately I have a super hubby who knew exactly where to go).

I learned that I actually am a bit of both.  I am a bit of super mum mixed with a bit of panicked mum.  That's a good thing too.  If I was just super mum I wouldn't be human.  The bit of panicked mum keeps me human and not too over confident which probably keeps my child safer in the long run!  So long live the panic that lives on the inside of me keeping me real and my babies safe.  I am grateful for my dual personality disorder!


Monday, April 6, 2009

Can it possibly last?

So - ever since she was born, my beautiful baby girl has woken up to start her day at about 5am.  It was not so bad when we were getting up every 2 hours anyway and then after that we kind of got used to it.  At 2 months she was sleeping through the night so I had no right to complain!  I mean really - I didn't do any special technique to make her sleep.  It was not my skillful mothering that did it - I was just lucky.  So what if she got up at 5 every day?  She slept through the night!!

Then I got pregnant again.  Now 5am seems like an insult.  Who gets up at 5am when they're worn out from growing another person??  Not to mention the fact that you have to get up every hour to pee and you cannot get comfortable AT ALL!!  Not that I'm complaining of course!  I know it's a blessing to be pregnant, honest.  But 5am?  Seriously?  You'd be upset too.  Really - you would.

So anyway.  I just figured I was stuck with it.  Just my bad luck to be stuck with an early riser.  Payback, my mum would say - I did it to her you see.  But then comes yesterday morning.  I am awakened from sleep by....well not by a beautiful baby.  I just woke up.  Like at a normal time.  Huh?  Can it be?  The sun is rising - usually I have been up a while when the sun rises!!  Yeah!!!  It's a miracle!  Praise be!!  WOW!!!!!!  It's 6.30am.  OMGosh!!!!!!!!!!!  (There was a time in my life when 6.30 am would have been terrible but I barely remember that life).  Now though, the panic sets in.  Why isn't the beautiful baby awake?  What terrible affliction has happened during the night?  I should rush in to the room and shake her awake just to make sure she's still breathing right?  But.......I haven't lain in bed for this long in 18 months......... why spoil it?  But........  she might be sick.......what to do?????

In the end, I crept into her room like a thief in the night.  Praise God - she is sleeping, like an angel.  So beautiful.  As I walk out of the room, she stirs.  All is well with the world.

So last night - dare I hope that it might happen again?  I re-created the bedtime routine from the night before.  I prayed hard when I went to sleep.  This morning I awoke to ..........  the husband's alarm clock!!!!!  Baby still sleeping!!  Can this possibly last??